Daddy and I have been making plans. We spend a lot of time dreaming about what our life together will look like when He moves here. The other day, Daddy was talking about how our morning routine would be when He said something that struck me as odd.
“When I’m there, I’ll make you breakfast. I’ll pick your clothes and brush your hair and clip it back. I’ll tie your shoes and send you off to work.”
I’ll admit, I may have chuckled a little bit. “You’ll tie my shoes?”
“Yes, baby bun, I will.”
I was silent for a long time. Long enough that Daddy asked self-consciously, “Is that okay?”
I wasn’t sure. Suddenly, everything Daddy had mentioned about taking care of me felt selfish. The idea of Him kneeling in front of me to do anything, even something so simple as to tie my shoes, made me nervous. I felt like a bad submissive, a thought that bugs me every so often when I encounter anything about this lifestyle that makes me feel unsure or confused.
“Daddy, shouldn’t I be tying your shoes?”
After all, He’s my Dominant. I’m a new submissive, but I’m not so new that I don’t know how this works: Subs kneel for Doms. Subs serve Doms. This felt entirely like the opposite.
Daddy said something along the lines of “Do you view my tying your shoes as a submissive act?” around the time that I fell asleep, leaving him to ponder that gem all day. I’m really good at asking existential questions right before I pass out lately.
The next morning, Daddy had a question for me.
“In your opinion, which is a more submissive act: kneeling to tie my shoes, or giving up the ability to tie your own?”
This perplexed me. In my heart, I felt one way, but I’d always seen and assumed the opposite was true. “Giving up the ability to tie my own,” I said, more confidently than I felt. I went with my gut, temporarily ignoring my anxious brain.
“Exactly,” Daddy said, “Giving up control is what I want from you. I want to lead you, and I want you to follow. Being Daddy doesn’t mean high protocol for me, and I don’t think it’s what you want either. There will be times where you will kneel for me, but taking care of you is my priority. Making you feel little makes me feel big, and I love that.”
“You mean you like doing things for me?”
“I love it, Bunny.”
So it turned out that my mental image about what D/s “should” look like didn’t match what works for Daddy and me. I had preconceived notions that ALL submissives knelt and served and and had all these high protocol expectations and that’s just not us. D/s is not one size fits all. We are new to this, and we need to find what feels right for our dynamic. That comes from reading, from reaching out to others, from talking to each other about what feels good and what doesn’t. It comes from pushing past the walls of preconceived notions we’ve built up and it comes from learning. And for us, it starts with learning how to tie a shoe:
Let go. Let Daddy take care of you.
I love this post because it is so freaking relatable. Service subs are held up again and again as the end-all, be-all of submission, when not every Dom wants a service sub, and most Cg/l dynamics don’t involve that type of submission, at least not primarily.
Caregivers need us to need them. It’s so difficult to accept and comprehend, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Throwing away our preconceived notions about what it means to be a sub in order to find our own footing in our roles as their subs can be quite a challenge.
OP, you’ve gotten right to the crux of the matter—sometimes submission is simply receiving care.
When I read this I must admit my first thought was….”wouldn’t that make you ‘too much’ … I’m sure all subs have heard this at some time or another….”you are too much, you need too much”. But as I kept reading it …it bought a lump to my throat. This is what I’ve always wanted/needed to hear. A great answer from a Dom.
@a-submissive-life A Dominant truly needs all of those things, things she see as ‘’too much’’, for us nothing is too much, it’s only not enough, be a little girl, be a whore, be a ever problematic, fragile, complex person, show him your darkest and weirdest sides, tell him about the things you wouldn’t even think without being uncomfortable, give him more and more, he can take it, give him everything, he needs everything.
Mischief's Muse 