Question from a follower for my followers.

asubmissiveview:

sirskia:

I received a question from a follower and I’m going to open it up to all you wonderful people, so if you could please help a girl out. I am going to tag a few people specifically because I know they have written about vetting a potential Dominant or reblogged something before but I can’t seem to find the posts. This one is harder for me to answer because I was married to Sir before transitioning to D/s,DD. @the-faculty @instructor144 @lovemysub  @1-sadistic-lover  @asubmissiveview

While interviewing for a Dom/Daddy what questions do you recommend I ask?  Would you mind asking your followers for feed back?

Thank you all for your help.

Thanks for the tag @sirskia! For starters, I *always* want to have vanilla conversations/dates before the conversation turns to D/s. But, when it does, I ask most of the questions that have already been mentioned, plus a few additional ones that I’ve listed here (in no particular order):

1. How do you identify (Dom, Sadist, Daddy, Master, etc.) and what does that mean to you? If he tells me he’s a Sadist and just likes to see women cry, I’m gone.

2. What are you ultimately looking for from a relationship? (short term, long term, play partners, etc.). Make sure your goals are similar.

3. Monogamy or poly? Do you share or want to play with others? This can always change with discussions later, but know going in what your potential partner is thinking and that you’re okay with it.

4. Tell me 5 things that make you angry. How do you handle being angry? Don’t look for the politically correct job interview response here. Make sure he/she is giving you a realistic answer.

5. Tell me about your last 2 submissives and how and why the relationships ended. What I’m looking for here is kindness, respect and, even if it ended badly, how is he/she spinning it? I also want to know if they stepped out of whatever emotions they were feeling to make sure the submissive was okay after the break.

6.  What are your thoughts on aftercare and how do you go about it? I’m looking for the scope of what they feel aftercare is here. I want to hear “first I’m going to make sure you’re okay and taken care of.” What comes after that is a matter of what works for both of you.

7. How did you learn about BDSM? Do you still read books about it, go to classes or talk with other Dominants? Do you feel that you still have anything to learn? “I dunno, one day I just knew I was a dom” or “I know pretty much all there is to know” are not the right answers here.

8. What are your favorite play scenes and how do you prepare? Favorite toys? How did you learn how to use them? I want to know there is thought put into preparing scenes, taking safety into account. I also want to be sure that I’m not going to be cuffed to the bed and they’re just going to start whaling away on my behind.

9. Have you ever had to deal with a sub who went in to subspace? Here, I want to be sure they know what subspace is. Also, I’m wording it specifically to find out if they’re going to make light of it.

10. Do you like to drink before playing to loosen up? Another bit of a loaded question here – if they say yes, for *me,* this is an automatic out.

11. I know if we move forward that I will be accountable to you. In what ways would you be accountable to me? What I’m looking for here is an assurance that the Dominant knows there’s accountability on both sides.

12. Are you willing to do STD testing with me so that we are both safe? So many easy and even home-based ways to do this these days. DO THE TESTING!

13. What do you hope I would bring to the relationship that would make you truly happy and fulfill your needs as a dom? Wild card here, but information I want to know.

During this process, I want to make sure they are asking me important questions as well. If he (for me, it would be a he) just wants to know my hard limits, then I know he doesn’t really give a hoot about me. One final note, know going in to this that you are a full 50% of the relationship so don’t minimize your needs and don’t feel that you are asking too much. This is not the time to be subby or little. Know that the first time going through this process is going to feel odd, like you’ve turned this magical relationship into a sterile interview. But if you two move forward, you will be amazed at how wonderful it feels to have that base of understanding to start building on. Hope this helps and we’re keeping our fingers crossed for you!