I’ve seen posts from submissives here on Tumblr now and again where the submissive basically says that, looking back on their life, they can see that they were always submissive but hadn’t realized it yet. I never believed them. I mean, I believed they were being truthful about their own lives and their own experiences, but what they were saying didn’t really resonate with me on a personal level, you know? I didn’t think that I had always been submissive. I guess I thought that at some point in the past I had been… if not dominant, at least not-submissive and then that I had changed at some other point.
Is it okay if I admit now that I was wrong?
Looking back on my life, I can see in 100 different ways that I have always been submissive. Maybe someday I’ll talk about all 100 ways, but for today, I just want to talk about structure and needs/wants.
When I first met Sir, I was a full-time college student, working two part-time jobs, and raising three little kids on my own (the oldest had just turned 5 and the littlest was not yet a year old). My life was scheduled, color-coded, organized, and predictable. I didn’t have a Dom of my own to create the structure I needed, so I created it myself. But I didn’t do it right.
Sure, the bills got paid, the kids were up-to-date on their medical stuff, my grades were excellent, and all that. But I wasn’t taking care of myself. I didn’t make time for haircuts for me, I didn’t buy new clothes when my old ones wore out, I didn’t take care of my own medical stuff like I should have.
That thing about the submissive’s needs coming first? That wasn’t happening. My needs didn’t even register on the list! I was at the point where my Needs seemed frivolous, they seemed like Wants to me.
Do I really need a new pair of jeans? I mean, I work in a restaurant and just wear my black work pants most days anyway. I’m okay. Maybe next payday.
That was… oh a long time ago, more than 15 years ago, and I still have difficulty telling the difference between my own Needs and Wants.
I think this is true of lots of submissives; we can get caught in this unending cycle of treating our Needs like Wants and so we go without the things we need to be healthy and fulfilled as human beings.
Us submissives, we need our Doms to make sure we’re being taken care of properly, because if left to our own devices, we won’t take care of ourselves even though we’re taking care of everyone else.
Always A Submissive
Published
Mischief's Muse 